This article is written by the wonderful, Lisa Reinhart.
Do you find yourself trying to be happy? There are times when we feel so miserable, heavy-hearted, just out-of-order. 😡 Many of us struggle with this feeling. Majority of people don’t like to discuss, or even acknowledge, their unhappiness; but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Do you want to know what really causes us to be dissatisfied? What’s the truth behind our unhappiness and more importantly, what can we do to solve our often unspoken displeasure?
This quote truly sums up the facts of our uneasiness. No matter what situation we find ourselves in, whether someone else was the cause or not, it’s our thoughts about it that create the reality of it. While this may seem hard to understand at first, it comes with a beautiful freedom, an absolute truth. If we create our unhappiness then it must be true that we also create the very opposite, our happiness. In this article, I’ll cover what is truly the root cause of our bad feelings and how we can overcome all the things that cause the unhappiness in our lives, through personal development and self-insight.
The Real Cause
Almost everyone will experience something in life they feel is unjust. The loss of a job, separation or divorce, or the ending of a friendship are all things that can leave us feeling angry, depressed, insulted, and confused.
While these reactions are not that uncommon, they can be catastrophic if left unattended. When emotional wounds are left to fester, they quickly become a deeply embedded infection. Anger will turn into bitterness, the ultimate thief of joy in your everyday life.
Humans are prone to holding on to the negative feelings we have towards others. When we perceive that we’ve been wronged by someone, it’s in our primal nature to protect ourselves emotionally by shutting down and/or holding onto our bad feelings. But this bitterness will quietly seep into every other aspect of our life. The astonishing truth behind your unhappiness is this very thing; holding on to things of your past will keep you stagnant in your present and wreak havoc on your future.
There are many ways we can overcome our unhappiness but the truth of the matter is that sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Any time you’re trying to be better in an emotional way, it’s critical to face the truth of your own downfalls and insecurities. Being honest with oneself and committing to change can often feel suffocating at first but the end result is worth it. In order to defeat bitterness, and let go of your past, and move forward to a better, richer life we must follow a series of steps. By committing to a life of happiness, our chains of the past must be abolished and our state of mind must always be in the forefront of our thinking. So let’s take a look at the steps towards our personal freedom and go over, in-depth, how each one will get us one step closer to authentic happiness.
- Evaluate the situation- Regardless of what it is from the past that you’re holding onto, it’s important to really re-examine the situation itself. During this process, it’s important to keep an open mind and take a look at it through unbiased eyes–through the eyes of an outsider, for instance.
By doing so, you’re able to really paint a clear picture of what really happened. You’ll be able to see what the cause of this issue was. What things should have and could have been handled differently will start forming in your mind. And it’s important to note that you’ll also be able to recognize the things you yourself should have said or done–or not said and not done! By looking at it through unbiased eyes, you’ll slowly start to detach from it emotionally. This is extremely important because it’s our unacknowledged emotions that keep us weighed down in the first place.
- Forgive the involved parties- Forgiving someone who you feel has wronged you can seem like an impossible concept. There may be moments when you feel they don’t even deserve your forgiveness. The truth is, maybe they don’t. But you do, however, owe it to yourself to forgive anyway. When you forgive someone, you’re not giving away a free pass, pretending everything is fine or condoning and excusing the behavior. Rather, you’re releasing the hard feelings you hold towards someone because you realize that those same feelings are having a direct, negative impact on your well-being.
If you feel like someone has already put a damper on your vibe, continuing to hold on to that grudge is like a double edged sword. Not only are you reaping the unhappiness of the situation in the first place, but you’re allowing it to continue to affect your life.
The other side of the coin is that maybe it’s you who needs to be forgiven. Perhaps you were the one that made a bad choice, a bad decision, or acted in a way that led you to get results you didn’t set out for. Holding on to bitterness, even if self imposed, is just as damaging as holding onto bitterness from another’s doings.
Forgive yourself because you are human and you are more than worthy of forgiveness. Once you give this offering to yourself or another person, a weight that you may not even have realized will soon be released.
- Learn from the past- Our past failings are one of the most valuable tools we possess–if we allow them to be. If we choose not to learn from them, they will be our worst enemy by becoming the bitterness we’ve discussed. But by applying the first two concepts, they can become a guide, a road map if you will, to steer us in the direction of happiness and fulfillment.
When a similar situation arises in our lives, we’ll have the tools and knowledge to successfully navigate the situation and come to the end result we desire. Personal development is all about using everything we experience, good or bad, to our best interest. Even if what we’ve experienced was painful or uncomfortable, it still has the ability to add value to our lives.
- Apply what you’ve learned- Regardless of what the situation or situations were, that caused your unhappiness; they provide valuable insight to many other types of situations. If you previously got angry and said unkind and piercing words to a loved one, you’ll understand how to react to other people in the future. If you made a questionable decision that caused you to lose your job, you’ll now understand the importance of integrity in all other areas of your life as well.
The key to going from bitter to better is to always continue looking to better yourself, better manage your mindset and emotions, and constantly look for the lesson in everything you go through, good or bad. You are an amazing being, capable of extraordinary things! 😎 Don’t let bitterness or situations from the past, control your present and your future. Live, learn, grow, repeat… make that your new motto and watch a magnificent transformation start in your life!
How do you get over something that’s bothering you? How do you move forward? Please share your advice/tips in the comments. Come back soon to read my next article or subscribe to get it delivered directly in your inbox. Bookmark this page to save time in searching again. Have a nice day ahead.
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Lisa Reinhart is a freelance writer, blogger and aspiring author. When not busy being a single mom to 3 boys, she devotes her time to inspiring and empowering women to unleash their hidden potential and start living their best possible life through her blog Memories in the Mayhem. You can follow her on Facebook or join her women-helping-women support group MitM: The Vault.